Renting is very common in our society today, with many young professionals and adults renting. You’ll likely share an apartment, condo, townhouse, or house with a roommate. Depending on the relationship and setup, roommates can be superb friends who improve your living experience or individuals you can’t tolerate. Before entering a new roommate relationship, consider the
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Renting is very common in our society today, with many young professionals and adults renting. You’ll likely share an apartment, condo, townhouse, or house with a roommate. Depending on the relationship and setup, roommates can be superb friends who improve your living experience or individuals you can’t tolerate. Before entering a new roommate relationship, consider the following three points to help you get off on the right foot.
Form an agreement
Like any relationship, it’s good to come in with some sort of roommate agreement. Employers often have an employment agreement that the employee signs. Marriages will typically have vows or a marriage license signed. The same point should apply to a new roommate living arrangement.
You should have an agreement no matter how well you know the person; it doesn’t matter if it’s your best friend or someone you met online. It doesn’t have to be super formal, but it can be. You can find templates online with a quick Google search “roommate template agreement,” or make one up yourself. It can be a verbal or a written agreement.
At a minimum, the agreement should cover the following:
How and when is the rent paid: The lease you sign will outline the due date for rent payments. However, it’s also good to have this payment clearly defined between roommates. Does one person pay, or does each person write separate checks? Are they mailed separately or together? Who is responsible for getting the check(s) in the mail? When does this all need to occur? Who is paying what amount?
Utility payments: Which utilities are you going to share? You’ll have the basics like power and water, but you might need gas, TV, internet, and garbage. Have a conversation and a documented decision on what you’ll share. You’ll need to determine who will open and maintain the account and when and how payments are due.
Chores: You’ll want to define who is responsible for doing what. These responsibilities include dishes, trash, sweeping, vacuuming, mopping, and kitchen and bathroom cleaning. Take inventory of what you’ll need to do in the new space and devise a plan. Perhaps one roommate is responsible for taking out the trash and another is always responsible for sweeping. These chores could also be a rotation of sorts and have them change every week. You’ll want to maintain a clean space to keep the property owner and each other happy so that the place isn’t a mess when you leave.
Social activities: You’ll want to discuss activities occurring in the space and what’s acceptable and what’s not. Perhaps one roommate like listening to music loudly until the wee hours of the evening. Will you allow this behavior? What about having friends over for dinner, parties, or having a guest stay for a night or an extended period? What’s the policy on smoking, drugs, or alcohol? If pets are aboard, what’s the policy on maintaining, cleaning up after, walking, feeding, or watching while a roommate is out of town?
Of course, you hope to have a blissful roommate relationship, but that’ll never fully happen! Having conversations now and reaching an agreement will lead to a smooth living arrangement.
Have periodic check-ins
Having check-ins with your roommates and having these meetings prescheduled is not bad. Perhaps it’s a monthly or quarterly meeting. This meeting can occur in the living space or out over dinner or drinks if it makes more sense. At these check-ins, have a good conversation about how things are going. Refer back to the roommate agreement if necessary. It’s a great time to discuss both things that are going well and things that are not going well.
Discuss changes that you’d like to see moving forward. You can also bring up minor concerns like, “Hey, it’s not a big deal, but can you not leave the lights on when you’re not in the room?” Prescheduling these check-ins ensures there’s an appropriate time and place to review the status of the relationship and makes it less awkward to have to impromptu schedule such a meeting when you need to have an intervention.
Be kind
It always seems to come back to the golden rule—doing unto others, as you would have them do unto you—can go a long way. The same idea can apply to a roommate relationship. Give your roommate a break when the individual has had a hard day and maybe load the dishwasher. Extend a little grace when your roommate watches TV a little too loud. Being nice and friendly will cause your roommate to do the same to you, and things will be better for the both of you.
A friendly roommate is much better than a hostile one. If you constantly call each other out on your faults, you’ll be less likely to overlook offenses and enjoy your stay together. Have a good attitude and watch the positivity spread.
How to deal with roommate conflict
If you’re sharing an apartment or house with a roommate, you’ll butt heads at some point. It’s normal to have disagreements with your roommate, but it’s essential to know how to deal with roommate conflict constructively. Explore some roommate conflict resolution tips:
Communication is key
Talk to your roommate if you’re feeling irritated or frustrated. It can be tempting to bottle up your feelings or to communicate through Post-It notes passive-aggressively, but this activity will only worsen the situation.
Try to be respectful and understanding
It’s easy to get defensive when you’re in the middle of a disagreement, but it’s important to remember that your roommate has feelings and perspectives. Try to see things from the individual’s point of view and be respectful in your interactions.
Compromise when possible
If you’re both set on a different course of action, see if there’s a way to meet in the middle. For example, if you want to have guests over but your roommate wants peacefulness, maybe you can agree on a compromise like having guests over only on weekends.
Be willing to let things go
Sometimes it’s not worth getting into a big argument over something minor. If your roommate leaves dirty dishes in the sink or tracks mud through the house, it’s probably not worth getting into a huge fight. Pick your battles and try to let the small stuff go.
Dealing with roommate conflict can be challenging, but these tips can help you constructively resolve your disagreements.
Roommate conflict statistics
It’s no secret that roommate conflict occurs frequently. According to a Georgetown University report, about one-third of college students report problems with roommates and 17% say roommate and relationship difficulties impact academic performance.
And it’s not just college students who deal with roommate conflict. Renters can also have roommate conflict at some point in their lives. Cleaning habits proves to be a top pet peeve among 37% of renters who responded to a 2021 roommate survey, according to the National Apartment Association.
If you’re experiencing roommate conflict, you’re not alone. With the tips outlined here, you can learn how to resolve roommate conflict and have a peaceful living situation.
Have good conversations before starting a new roommate relationship, and you can expect a much smoother and more pleasant roommate experience!
The post Rules for a Solid Roommate Relationship appeared first on The Zumper Blog.